I moved on a whim (twice)

The first time I moved to Amsterdam, I was in between being a student and wanting to fly high. I had just graduated and wanted to be creative, but not sure where, how or in what way. My latest project had been a 15-minute drama short film and my experience working as a PAID creative was close to zero.

Then… an opening for an intern at a film company opened up… in Amsterdam. I didn’t think twice and tried my luck. I got an interview, feeling good about it because I already had worked with them before. Presumptively, I thought I got the job and made my move to Amsterdam in 2018.

They then told me they went with someone else.

My move to Amsterdam back then was on a whim… and once again,

I moved back on a whim in April 2023.

There’s 5 years between the two times lived in Amsterdam, and a lot of great life and work experience.

Now I can say I turned from fresh graduate to Content Creator
to NYC E-Commerce Producer
to NYC Personal Brand Photographer to….

to be decided.

Why Amsterdam? Why not stay in New York City and grow immensely?
What’s with the notion that large and immense is the best?

Amsterdam isn’t known as a place to get to the top. It doesn’t hold the same weight in its name like New York City. But it can offer something greater to me than money. It gives me my whole self. My happiness, flow of ideas, wonder for life, a challenge for new work to come. For me, that is getting to the top.

Expressing my unique artist.
Being myself has worked out in my business, but now it’s time for it to work for myself as a person.

I think it can bring me to higher places than I ever expected, so I need to know.

My love for art isn’t limited to photography, but it’s the one medium that naturally overcomes me with ideas and ability.

When my mouth can’t catch up to the words that I ra-ta-ta-ta out of my mind, it’s clear that it’s a passionate topic. Photography is always at the center… but in a different way this time.

I created my 2024 vision board (below!) after I learned a lot of valuable, personal lessons as a human last year. I knew 2024 would look a lot different than all the previous ones.

Maybe not as full with skyscrapers and photo studios. Maybe not as “productive” in the regular society sense. I have had to learn that this is necessary to feel inherently better and stronger in mind and body.

I sit here. Nearly a year after creating this mood board, and I can see where my feet have landed.
This was the first time I made a vision board, so my instinct was that it had to include things to ‘accomplish’. Ha! Classic!

When in reality it is a culmination of my innards, jumbled together and needing to be read almost like a cup of loose leaf tea. The meaning isn’t clear until you’ve drank the settled water. And no one else quite gets it because they’re not you.

I focused on myself and my relationship.
And on self-love, memories and being content, grateful instead of desiring for “more”.

I reflected on my time as a business owner, and as a photography business.
What I loved and what I could live without.

I practiced letting go of ideas, people, and fighting, and that who I am
isn’t determined by how much I do or other’s thoughts.

I realized what is important to me even if I didn’t create anything at all.

….and what did I do?

I created a home with the love of my life. We spent so much of our effort to building a life with multiple jobs, sacrificing foods, biking in despicable cold weather, all while living together for the first time (officially!) in the 5 years together. We made it.

Not only that, I came to feel at peace with taking a break from photographing for money. I photographed one Brand photoshoot in NYC in the entire 2024, and that was good for me. Instead I took pride in creating for fun with my Japan Vlogs and The Glimmer Podcast with my friend.

I see now that there are things that have always been with me and things that I tried too hard to be.